I know I'm supposed to be blogging about our recent adventure in the land of Winnebago, and the fine, epic adventure that has brought us to our present realm...But sometimes events of the day just overwhelm, and something must be blogged out of sequence. This is one of those times.
I'm sitting at the computer, and on the TV at the other end of the room a gazillion photojournalists are clawing and jostling each other, focused on a skinny blond in pigtails who has just been released from captivity. Yes, dear readers, Paris Hilton is free at last.
The “changed woman” benefited from her “time out” in the slammer, she tells the puzzled Larry King. Well, we're all glad to hear that. It's nice to know she got some benefit from an experience that was SO unfair. She had to serve jail time, just because she was driving on a suspended license. Doesn't everybody know that spoiled rich people are SUPPOSED to get community service? Imagine her dismay. Imagine her lawyer's dismay. Imagine her lawyer looking for a new meal ticket.
Oh, well. All's well that ends well...and there is that million dollar deal awaiting our heroine...that's got to take some of the sting out of it. (Oh, right. I forgot, she drops that much in the parking lot looking for her keys in the bottom of her Gucci purse. My bad.)
Anyway, it's time for a commercial, and...what's this? I just learned that All State is going to forgive me if I have an accident. Imagine my bliss...official forgiveness, and I don't even have to whisper the details of the mishap to my agent in a little closet with a curtain for a door. Just file my paperwork, and of course pay my premium. Forgiven. I'm all choked up. Is it really so? But you have to believe it...after all, the news comes from a guy who's been president of the United States, served two seasons in Special Ops, and is now selling insurance on T.V. You've gotta believe a guy with that kind of diversity in his background.
Speaking of insurance, the Geico Cave Men are getting their own series. I haven't felt this much anticipation since the first Ernest movie came out. And Pee Wee Herman's on the comeback trail. See? Everything works out in the end, doesn't it? Everything important anyway.
Remember when things like real news made the headlines? Kids starving in Third World countries? Genocide? Terrorism? Corporate larceny? Me neither.
After all, the Focus Groups have taught us nothing if not that you don't sell product by depressing your audience. If it doesn't happen within 30 seconds...45 tops, it doesn't happen. Simple as that. Keep it moving. Make every newscast a Feel-Good newscast. Paris Hilton/Troops in Afghanistan? No-brainer. Get that happy ending. Hollywood is right.
- Paris is out of the slammer,
- Pee Wee's coming back,
- All State will forgive you.
All's right with the world. Good line up. We all feel right about it:Everything has a solution, and if you hurry, it's available for a limited time at reduced interest. Remember Simon and Garfunkel? What do you suppose made me think of them just now? Huh. Oh, well. Probably just a brain fart.
Blog at you later.