TV can be very beneficial to your health. It can turn you into a person so healthy you’ll live to be at least 2-thousand, and so hard-muscled, slim and handsome, you’ll have to fight off the women (or men, as the case may be) well into your 1900’s.
I just saw a device that can make my abs (I think I know what those are) as hard as boulders, and another one that can give me pecs (I do know what those are) that are irresistible to the opposite sex. (I know that’s true because there was this GORGEOUS redhead all over the guy in the infomercial.) And it’s available for three easy payments of 29.99 (plus shipping and handling, which they did not quantify). How can I resist? I’d be a fool not to get it.
I can also get a device that allows me to tilt myself upside down, like I used to get in trouble for when I was a kid, on a teeter-totter designed to straighten my spine and make all my troubles, including bill collectors (OK that’s a slight exaggeration), go away.
There’s a product that can replace my long-gone hair, and restore it to the original luster of my youth…another that can get rid of hair that’s in the wrong places with a simple massage-like motion. If I call now I’ll get extras free of charge (except for shipping and handling).
And there’s this stuff that will make me a lover without peer, and without a prescription (just look at how happy Bob is…and catch the look on that gorgeous female in the background).
TV can also solve all the financial problems of the world, one person at a time. There are people who can get you out of credit card debt (if you owe $10,000.00 or more)…people who can go to bat for you against the nasty, evil IRS: after all, you’re just a poor, innocent victim who didn’t pay any taxes for two, three or more years (“Oh, goodness, I’m…I’m actually supposed to pay taxes? Who knew?”…“They took my last $50,000.00 before I could move it to my offshore account -- snif, snif.”)
And there are banks that can get you into your OWN HOME for almost nothing down, and easy balloon payments of just… Wait a minute, uh… That one didn’t work out too well.
Come to think of it, most of that stuff hasn’t worked out too well…except for the people selling it. Or the ones handling the shipping and handling.
I guess I’ve been watching too much TV. I’d better find something else to do with my spare time.
Blog at ya later,
-Geezerguy.
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3 comments:
I have an idea. Why don't you use the Super-Putty (TM) you bought to attach the Magic Bullet (C) to your Electric Flyswatter (R) and use it to unclog your waste-water line? Or has your shipment of Drain-B-Clear /S\ arrived yet?
If not, call a lawyer. I know one that won't accept any payments unless YOU WIN YOUR CASE!
-Sage Words
You should add a Sham Wow to your list of must haves! You can even use it on RVs!
The shipping charges on some of that stuff would be enough to pay for my RV. And I don't know who they can claim to your Bob even bigger and that anyone would actually believe that!
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