Why Koalas Only Eat Eucalyptus Leaves

Once upon a time, in the ancient days when koalas spoke and lived in groups, a great hot wind came through the land, and changed forever civilization as they knew it.

The Big Koala, known popularly as a Consultational Poombawooomba, was preparing to make a cyclical pronouncement to the gathered group. This was a tradition among Koalas, and it would determine the leadership of the group for the next cycle. The Big Koala was promoting himself as “BK” because it made him seem friendlier, more of a regular Joe koala than the other Consultational Poombawooomba who would be making a cyclical pronouncement. You see, BK and Trim Koala, known to his friends as TK, but promoted to the public at large as Trim the Fluent, were competing for the position of Great Poombawooomba.

This was during the time when koalas ate sensibly, and enjoyed a well-balanced diet. A nice plate of beast, with an assortment of vegetables and salad greens was the usual fare, and was a joy to the koala of good breeding. As a treat, eucalyptus leaves would be eaten for desert…but only a few.
The reigning Great Poombawooomba was retiring at the end of this cycle, and following the time-honored tradition both BK and TK (to his friends) had been gathering nasty things to say about him for the entire cycle. In fact, almost all of the Consultational Poombawooombas had been doing the same thing, in preparation for the minor pronouncements, which had resulted in the selection of our two heroes. As a result, there was very little consultation given to the reigning GP. In this way, the CP’s provided themselves with a plethora of things to blame on the retiring GP to make themselves seem really smart.

Whoever seemed the smarter of the two finalists at the end of the cyclical pronouncement got to be Great Poombawooomba for two cycles. All the koalas listened carefully to the two pronouncements, then chose a new leader, based on what they had heard during the allotted time, which lasted from dusk until it got really dark. That was the maximum extent of the group’s memory and attention span. (After all, cultured as they might be, they were still just koalas.)

The time-honored tradition required all koalas in the group to gather in a great domed enclosure, which was constructed carefully throughout the cycle. It was just large enough to accommodate all koalas in the group, and featured five large shuttered windows along the wall, which were closed tight during the pronouncements, until the koalas had made their choice.

On that fateful date so long ago, the Big Koala put the finishing touches on his pronouncement, and polished off a nice beast sandwich, garnished with a eucalyptus leaf by Mrs. Big Koala. She smiled proudly at her mate, and wiped a bit of beast grease from his chin. Time to go.

As they entered Great Dome BK spotted his opponent, already at the podium. A couple of lackeys were putting up a big poster that read “Trim the Fluent!!! What more do you want than somebody who can make a Great Speech?!!!”

A little verbose, but the slogan had made ole TK pretty popular during the past few days.
Big Koala stepped onto the stage, shook paws with TK, then sat in his seat for the traditional chewing of the eucalyptus leaf. He rolled his eyes and made faces while Trim the Fluent smiled and shook paws with the koalas in the front row. Poopy little showoff.

Then the moderator chewed up the leaves, spread them out on the stage floor, and determined that they looked more like Trim the Fluent than Big Koala, so the young upstart got to speak first. Big Koala just sat and rolled his eyes a bit more.

As the evening progressed, Big Koala rose and spoke in turn, and all was proceeding as usual, when something made the Door Attending Koala look up to the nearest shuttered window. He gasped. Someone had failed to seal the shutter, and an opening of a full claw’s-width stared back at him, clearly showing the fading twilight.

Shaking nervously, the Door Attending Koala(also known as the DA)slipped outside as quietly as possible to see what the breach may have caused.
What he saw made his blood run cold.

There in the almost darkness, he watched helplessly as the plants swayed in the scorching wind and the beasts in the field dried and mummified where they stood. From the opening in the shuttered window came the great hot wind. As the pronouncements continued, it gained strength and raged on... Unstoppable. Cataclysmic. The DA ran into the hall, and shouted the devastating news to all, but clearly it was too late to save the land. The food was gone…wasted and turned to useless dust. All except the eucalyptus trees that swayed, unaffected in the now diminishing wind.

All was quiet now in the Great Dome. The chastened group looked expectantly to the stage, as the Big Koala and Trim the Fluent stared at each other. Agape. Clueless.

Then Trim the Fluent had an inspiration. He looked at the floor of the stage where his image (according to the moderator anyway) sat smeared on the boards. He pointed to the green glob and said: “Here! Here is the answer! This way of life is at an end, my friends! We must change! And the change is before our very eyes! We must all disperse, because now without beasts or veggies, the food supply is very small! We must live solitary lives, and eat nothing but the great Eucalyptus which has survived this catastrophe. How this global phenomenon occurred we may never know, but now is the time to move on, my friends! Move on to a new beginning. Let us live in the trees and eat the leaves! We’ll all have all we want! Everybody gets a fair share! And, hey! What could be better? It’s desert!!!”

Of course, it all made perfect sense to the gathering. And that has been the way of things ever since that fateful day so long ago. All the Koalas now live in trees and eat eucalyptus leaves, living happily ever after.



I know, it’s the day before election day, and I really should be writing something about that, but I’m just about politicked out, so I wrote a fable instead. Hey, it’s a valid blog. Happy day 3.
Affectionately,
Geezerguy